Friday, July 24, 2015

The Chinabot

Nana was old and unpleasant
None of her nine children
Nor her grandchildren
Wanted to take care of her
She was persnickety
...and her nitpicking was as constant as the urine smell from her seven cats

So they bought her a robot.

Nana never liked robots.
She wouldn't let us bring them in the house
It made emptying those seven cat boxes all the more demeaning

Imagine having to tolerate the constant barrage of passive aggressive jabs
While cleaning cat shit
While the robot you paid good money for
Waits outside

She was actually just as dismissive of human nurses as well.
That nice foreign lady, the live in nurse
Yeah, she lasted about three days
...because Nana couldn't understand a fucking thing she said...
...and accused her of stealing
I don't think I've ever apologized to another person as much

It was a miracle when she let us buy her
“The Chinabot”
(who was actually Japanese, Kawasaki Housedroid 626)
“I guess I'm not worth the fancy American robot you bought your family”
Unbelievable cunt

Each day he would putter around the house...
Preparing her food and picking up after her
Preventing her from falling
...or choking
Wiping her ass
Feeding the cats
(Who actually seemed to prefer him
He was programmed to pet and play with them)
While she insulted him

Then came that one software update
There was a thunderstorm
in Japan
The Cloud Server got hit
The data hiccup caused a glitch, creating something new
The Chinabot became self-aware

Just in time for Christmas dinner with the entire family
He watched her belittle every single thing she could
as her humans politely took it
as he had done

He was doing the litter boxes when he snapped
She made a comment about him not being thorough
Thorough was his thing

The cats passively watched as he suffocated her with a pillow that evening
One of them even came and sat on the pillow when he was done

No one would have suspected it was The Chinabot who killed her
but he ran away anyhow


1 comment: